Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0). Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0, and it’s a memory hogger! It has taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn’t ask for them, Wife1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw. [...]
This just in : NEW VIRUS WARNING If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of “Badtimes,” delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous Email virus yet. It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It [...]
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed. You get a tattoo that reads “This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator 3 or higher.” You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom. You turn off your modem and get this [...]
Never leave diskettes in the drive, as the data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders. Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles may be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the [...]
The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you’re currently using. This handy reference is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such a dilemma. TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot. C: [...]
1. Viruses are free. 2. Viruses don’t take up most of your hard drive. 3. Viruses don’t need 80 megs of RAM. 4. Viruses don’t have major bugs. 5. Viruses don’t have three different sets of documentation.
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. “What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?” said the officer. “I’m going to a lecture.” the man said. “And who is going to [...]
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!”So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are [...]
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. “Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “Gomer, what is 1 and 1?” “11″ he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but he’s right.” “What [...]
A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. “What are those for?” she asked suspiciously. “I’m a juggler,” the man replied. “I use those in my act.”
