My wife and I were at my high school reunion. As I looked around, I noticed the other men in their expensive suits… and their bulging stomachs. Proud of the fact that I weighed just five pounds more than I did when I was in high school, the result of trying to beat a living [...]
A blonde is on a four-engine plane crossing the Atlantic. All of a sudden there’s a loud bang. The pilot announces over the intercom “I’m sorry, one of our engines has just shut off. We’ll be delayed 45 minutes.” Suddenly there’s another bang. Once again, the intercom clicks on and the pilot expresses his regret [...]
Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying. She moaned to her mom and brother, “Nobody loves me … the whole world hates me!” Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up [...]
A couple, who had been married for years, were making love. He asked, “Dear, am I hurting you?” “No,” she replied. “But why do you ask?” “You moved,” he said.
Firefighter Joke 1 The Fire brigade phones George Graham in the early hours of Sunday morning. “Mr Graham sir, White Hart Lane is on fire!” “The cups man! Save the cups!” cries George. “Uh, the fire hasn’t spread to the canteen yet, sir.” Firefighter Joke 2 After the fire-truck arrived at a burning building in [...]
1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask person taking the order to stop doing that. 2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. 3. Use CB lingo where applicable. 4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. 5. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this conversation.”
