My wife and I were at my high school reunion. As I looked around, I noticed the other men in their expensive suits… and their bulging stomachs.
Proud of the fact that I weighed just five pounds more than I did when I was in high school, the result of trying to beat a living out of a rocky hillside farm, I said to my wife, “I’m the only guy here who can still wear the suit he wore when he graduated.”
[...]
Tornado strikes Lambert-St. Louis International Airport on April 22nd, 201
A blonde is on a four-engine plane crossing the Atlantic. All of a sudden there’s a loud bang. The pilot announces over the intercom “I’m sorry, one of our engines has just shut off. We’ll be delayed 45 minutes.”
Suddenly there’s another bang. Once again, the intercom clicks on and the pilot expresses his regret that they’ll be delayed two hours.
Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying.
She moaned to her mom and brother, “Nobody loves me … the whole world hates me!”
Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: “That’s not true, Mary. Some people don’t even know you.”
A couple, who had been married for years, were making love.
He asked, “Dear, am I hurting you?”
“No,” she replied. “But why do you ask?”
“You moved,” he said.
